I like most people. There is one group of people that annoy me and they are the “Tools” or in more extreme cases the “Douche bags.” I have come to find that many people do not know what a Tool/ Douche bag is. Let me explain.
• A “Tool” is a mild form of “Douche bag.”
• The word “D-bag” is commonly used for “Douche bag.”
• While most of these puzzling creatures are easily identifiable, you cannot always tell a Tool from appearance alone.
• Most Tools do not know they are Tools. In fact, many mistake their douche bag-ness for coolness.
Has this gotten you questioning yourself? Are you a Tool? Below is a checklist of tool behavior. This list is for men only. Woman Tools are harder to identify. This may also help you recognize a tool if you see one.
Tool Checklist (Men)
_ You own a pair of white sunglasses.
_ You wear, or wish you wore Ed Hardy clothes.
_Your favorite food is a protein shake.
_ Most pictures of yourself were taken by you, in front of the mirror.
_One or more of these said pictures is of you gently lifting up your shirt to show your “ripped stomach.”
_ You wear giant faux diamond earrings.
_The gym is your natural habitat.
_You use more hairspray than a girl on prom night.
_You speak with a New Jersey accent and are not even from the East Coast.
_ People can often smell your cologne before they even see you.
_You love to drive around in your pimped out car listening to dirty hip-hop songs, and “holler at fine bitches”
_You still pop your collar
If you checked two or more these you need to have a self-evaluation to make sure you are not a Tool. If you have checked more than five then congratulations, you skipped Tool and went right to Douche bag.